Creativity at Its Real-est [Reposted]

[ I wrote this entry on May 2012 on my old blog and decided to re-post it because it's how I feel now.  Weird how my feelings seem to go around in cycles... just like my profile pictures, haha... so, I can just re-use old material in order for me to express them huhu. Anyway, I'm basically trying to get over my fear of unsatisfactory output so, here. Uhhhh happy reading, I guess. Haha. ]

"Why do I keep evading my work?

Is it because I'm afraid of being confronted by my lack of abilities?"

- Carrie Bradshaw, Sex in the City

(perfect example of the ugly-but-REAL type of art)

I guess I’m the type of person who strives to get better all the time… at specific things or better, as a person in general.  I've made a billion lists of places to go, things to do, things to improve on, ways to improve on them and things like that.

Learn how to paint. Learn how to draw people. Learn how to do this. Learn how to do that… Those things are always on the list. I never wanted to learn formally though because I really wasn’t  fond of rules and restrictions. I just wanted to learn in my own way and in my own time. (And sometimes, that’s a bad thing.)

Unfortunately, I was also the type of person who disowned “ugly” art. I never wanted to be associated with anything "below satisfactory." Ang yabang. Huhu shame.  There were many instances when I didn’t even finish what I was working on because I felt the outcome wouldn’t look good. Once there was a trace of ugly, I’d get so frustrated. Feeling all discouraged, I’d either leave it unfinished or throw it away. That way, no one would have to see it and I wouldn’t ever be reminded of my failure as an artist again.

But after reading Creativity is a Verb by Patty Digh, my entire perspective on art changed. The book was basically about how we should all just stop focusing on the outcome and start being real. There’s a big difference between drawing just cause you want to and drawing cause you want to show people that you can. The former allows you to enjoy the process while the latter just causes you to stress over the outcome.

(Journey over destination. Process over outcome.)

The message of the book was pretty simple… if you want to paint, then paint! It’s perfectly normal for your first try to be far from a masterpiece but, if you make that your standard and refuse to paint unless the outcome is a masterpiece, then you’ll never paint. That was my problem. I feared my own failure. I knew, for example, that I couldn’t draw people well. And because of that, I never drew people. (I drew robots instead, haha.)

I didn’t fail… because I didn’t try. But, I didn’t get to learn either.

That book taught me to stop sugar coating my thoughts and ideas. To draw whatever I feel like drawing, even if other people might not understand what it is. To write exactly what I want to write, no matter how stupid or confusing it might seem in the end. I learned that creativity isn’t about a perfect outcome, or being as good as those award – winning artists. It’s about acknowledging and accepting yourself with all your crazy thoughts, ideas and imperfections.

For so many people, myself included, art is a way to express yourself when words aren’t enough. And that honesty is precisely what makes it so beautiful.

[ I should try it more often. ]

Ignore all the critics. Stop all the measurement. Detach from outcome.