A Series of Fortunate Events... What's The Catch?

(I swear this blog was supposed to be short... I don't know what happened.)

"I got everything I ever wanted. I'm so happy... I'm terrified. No one gets everything they want...

...of course, something bad is going to happen to me."

-Charlotte of Sex and the City

. . . . .

This is a horrible way to think and to live. However, as much as I hate to admit it, what she said totally hit me. A lot of things in the past served as building blocks that have created this stupid perspective, despite the fact that I fight hard to push those memories down to the back of my mind where I'll have a hard time accessing them . Despite the fact that I know I shouldn't be thinking that way and I constantly try to fix how I think. And fix myself.

I constantly try to fix myself.

Life is always great until it isn't.

And my life always goes smoothly until something that never happens... happens.

But it's been a while and I thank God for that. He's been taking great care of me.

I've returned home from several trips without a scratch on my body and after bragging about that simple joy of mine, I was reminded that it was, in fact, normal for nothing bad to happen. And in my head, I think "Oh yeah. Sorry. I was just happy about it. That's all."

It's like I'm hesitant to fully soak into the OKAY-ness of my life right now and I don't know why. 

Everything's going well so far. I'm happy 80% of the time; lost in thoughts, questions and doubts during the other 10% but, that's normal, and the last ten is for those times when I cry for other people and get so caught up in their lives that it hurts me. But in general, I'm always happy. Always grateful. Always relieved when something that could have gone so badly turns out well or when something I thought would take countless hours only takes fifteen minutes or when I'm #160 in the line and they're already calling #154.

Always happy, always grateful but always walking on egg shells, praying to God that I don't step on the trigger of a nuclear bomb. Always tiptoeing my way through life, trying to prove that I'm not an accident waiting to happen and I'm not the key to Pandora's box and that I can do what they think I cannot do. Always finding myself between wide and narrow roads, choosing the wide ones at first because they look so nice and easy and then I end up trying to find my way through all the plants and thorns and shrubs just to get back to the freakin narrow road just because I couldn't get it out of my head.

I'm always happy, always grateful but always worried about losing the things that make me happy and the things I'm grateful for. Worried that things are too good to be true and somewhere along this streak of good fortune or this series of fortunate events is a scary monster waiting to tell me that I can't have everything I want after all. Waiting impatiently to take something away from me and make me pay for the good, happy, healthy life I've been living for a while and make me suffer for the fact that I haven't suffered in so long.

I got a little carried away over there. I don't know which thing I'm referring to anymore...

Forgive my imagination, it has a tendency to exaggerate my normal - human feelings and transform them into scary vivid motion pictures inside my brain which I try my very best to translate into words - a preventive measure to keep my head from exploding.

. . . . .

I'm in transition at the moment - in between processes, in between schools... I'm still quite surprised at how smoothly things have been going although, I have been praying like a trooper for the past months. I've been stumbling over one obstacle after another. Each one's getting bigger and scarier but, each gives more fulfillment than than the one before. Until I see the next obstacle up ahead and it scares me again but, I go anyway.

Things are going so well, it's freaking me out. It's not that I'm not happy about it and it's not that I'm not grateful... in case you didn't get to read the repetitive mentions above, haha!

I'm just mentally preparing myself for this narrow road to get narrower, for more nuclear bomb triggers hidden under egg shells I'm walking over, for the scary monster to get scarier and more impatient and have more vengeful things to say to me and for the key of Pandora's box to duplicate itself a thousand times making it easier for all the bad things to be unlocked and released into... my life.

But again...

THIS IS A HORRIBLE WAY TO THINK.

And then again...

I can't help but ask what the catch is this time!

There's always been a catch. I've always had to pay... something.

. . . . . 

But I know what I have to do anyway. And that makes me a walking contradiction but, I'm not denying it.

I'll take what I can get, hope for the best, be happy and grateful for every single blessing as of now but, be prepared for the worst of circumstances - not in a sadistic way but, in a way that will protect my heart from, getting hurt or being disappointed. (Saying all that makes me a talking cliche too but, I'm not denying that either. Oh well...)

Thank you Lord for answering almost every single prayer I've had for the past few months!!!

So, here's to this next week and how much it can affect the rest of my college life!

And here's to all my other concerns and how much it'll affect my life after that. 

Here's to the good things that have happened in the recent past and the not - so - good things that might happen in the near future....

But right now in this moment, as I think about everything that was and is to come later on, catch or no catch, I'm happy and truly grateful - always, always will be.

On Conquering Mt. Pulag

These are some of the photos taken by my brother
During one of those times we played the game:
Let's - Pretend - We're - Photographers & Models

. . . .

The photos above bear absolutely no relation to the text that follows. 

Heehee.

. . . . 

A month ago, I discovered how easy it is to book a vacation online. (Don't laugh at me, I'm not a tech girl.) I've always known that it was something people did all the time but, I've never gotten around to actually trying it out for myself until then. It's the type of thing that repels people by disguising itself as something difficult - and as Filipinos say it, masyadong matrabaho - but life recently taught me that you can make great things happen, if you're patient with the paperwork.

After a few texts, calls, e-mails, registration forms and bank deposits, our mini vacation was all set!

When: 05/17/13 - 9PM to 05/20/13 - 3AM

Where: Mt. Pulag National Park, Benguet

Why: Family Time/ Bucket List/ Why not?

Via ClubTravelNow

You should totally book with them!

Everyone's goal is to reach the top.

I vaguely remember what was running through my mind during the four hour hike. At one point, I was thinking about the people I wanted to climb my next mountain with... The weird - looking wild plants were also the subject of my thoughts for a while, as well as the logs on the ground that resembled octopus legs... Water, food, sleep, the sky, the cold, the heat, my cousins, Dora the Explorer... those things came across my mind too.

But 90% of the time, I just wanted to get to the top. IT WAS SO FREAKIN TIRING. There I was, somewhere along the trail, in between my two siblings who were way ahead of me and my parents who were far behind, wondering if we were anywhere near the summit and breathing in and out like it was my sole purpose in life to do so.

You sort of forget all the other things in life that stress you out because for the time being, the goal is to make it to the top.

And oh my gosh, words cannot express how great it felt to have been able to get there - in one piece and just in time for sunrise too!

I probably overuse the world beautiful - the same way I abuse the words love and hate and favorite... but, it's probably just my underdeveloped vocabulary because sometimes, I really struggle to find an alternative word to describe something that's so... beautiful!

BECAUSE IT WAS BEAUTIFUL UP THERE. I LOVED IT AND IT IS  NOW ONE OF MY FAVORITE PLACES IN LIFE.

. . . 

As I was taking everything in, I noticed that the mountains were as vast as the ones in New Zealand and that the air was as cold as the air in Japan. Distracted by those comparisons, I sort of had to remind myself that I was neither in New Zealand nor Japan.

I was here.

In the Philippines.

And that made me a really proud Filipino.

:)

Because our country is beautiful and I love it here!

5 Things That Secretly Make Me Super Happy

Well now, it's not exactly a secret anymore and I know this is random but, I just felt like making a happy list - because my morning plans were pushed later today and I had tea and had time to thank God for random happy things, haha!

1. When people think I'm an athlete or dancer, etc...

I have to hide my kilig face when people ask because NO, I am not an athlete and I am definitely not a dancer! There's a quote like that, I think. The greatest pleasure in life is being able to do what people say you cannot do - that also includes being able to trick people into thinking such! See, I'm the purple girl in the middle, wearing the volleyball jersey that isn't mine. Heehee.

2. Getting lots page views or comments on a blog :D

Or when people tell me that they love reading my blogs or that they can relate to this and that... or that they subscribed to the hidden e-mail thing. I get so, so awkwardly happy because it's one of my many secret dreams to be a writer! Shh... don't judge me.

3. Being super busy and stressing over worthwhile projects

My good friends know that I can't do nothing or be too chill - I have to have something going on. It's horrible, really but, I love it. I love good stress! The type that makes you bone tired but, heart happy. I'm sure many people are like this: they complain a lot along the way about all the hassles they have to go through for certain things but in truth, they wouldn't trade it in for the chill life.

BUT HEY.

This doesn't go for everything, okay? I'm not sadistic and I don't like emotional stress. Just the happy, healthy kind.

4. My Tiny Room/ Pseudo - Studio

I have the smallest room in the house that was once super tight because of my bed which used up all the space until I finally decided to sell it. I never needed a bed to sleep anyway! Haha, just kidding. Now, I have this little pretend - studio where I can make a big mess on the floor (or my cute Php 88.00 rubber mat that I randomly bought at Saizen) and stick things on the wall and stuff. Once my mom says anything that even slightly resembles an OKAY, I am going to paint the walls of my room - happy colors so that it makes me even happier than it already does!

5. Getting things WITHOUT having to work too hard

Forgive my horrible computer drawing skills, this was a random not - for - anything... thing. But, anyway. I always want to get better, be it at school or as a performer or whatever but, I imagine insta-results. However, I secretly love those rare times when we are spared from seriously hard work!

For example:

a. Getting a high grade even if you just shotgunned the whole test
b. When God magically plants a design in your mind. No sweat!
c. Giving the correct answer even if it was a total guess

There are many more moments like that - which I love BUT, I've learned that it's not good to be so spoiled. How will we handle tougher situations in life when we're so used to the easy route? As they say, "smooth seas don't make skillful sailors".  I have high respect for hard workers and everyday, I try to be one myself. Emphasis on the word TRY. Because as much as I love those awesome lucky moments and even if I don't want to work hard, I know that in this life I will have to. :)

---------------------------------------------

I may or may not have done this to remind myself not to let the stress of _____ get to me.

Either way... have a happy day!

Learning From The Best: My PETA Workshop Experience

One of the worst feelings in the world is knowing that you held back... or that you could have done so much better or so much more if you weren't thinking so much about being able to speak Tagalog well or whatever.

However, what's done is done and although I'm pretty disappointed in myself as I always am after a performance, I''m really happy about how the entire experience turned out. People enjoyed the show, yay! The audience was very responsive all throughout the play, laughing during moments we didn't expect and stuff. And all of us wished we could do the show more than once because it was just really fun! Here are some of my favorite photos from the show, taken by Karl Nikolai Herrera Emerenciana. 

Rochelle proclaiming her love to childhood sweetheart, Alfred...

"Bilang panganay ay na sa aking kamay
Sisikapin kong lahat ay maibigay
Sa aking ina at mga kapatid
Saka na ang para sa sarili, para sa sarili..."

 Rochelle telling Steven about the water problem and sneaky Diego eves dropping at the back!

"Bestfriend, please do not leave me to deal with this foreign suitor!"

Best friends forever: Myleen and Rochelle

The entire PETA workshop highlighted both our strengths and weaknesses. It made known to us the things we should be proud of as well as the things we should, well, be more patient with ourselves for. The different activities revealed excellent writers, composers, dancers, singers, comedians and all sorts of talents and skills  just waiting to be discovered.

Ironically, one of the main things I learned is that there is still so much for me to learn. The main reason I signed up for the workshop, aside from the fact that I miss performing so much, is that I was sort of desperate to get out of my comfort zone, to do something completely new and not me and to just grow, you know? Well, I should really be careful about all this growth stuff that I keep wishing for because God keeps answering my prayers!

 Our amazing teachers, Maan Upeng and Sir Jeff, really squeezed the creative juices out of us. First of all, I've never spoken that much Tagalog in my whole life. That's probably the main reason why my friends watched me - because nobody believes that I can. :( Hahaha half joke.

Eto na nga...

Maliban sa pagsasalita sa Pilipino, sobrang dami ko pang natutunan.

Okay, wait never mind.

But yes, I learned a lot. Now, I have so much more respect for people who've chosen to pursue the arts instead of going the safe route. I don't think I'll ever be that brave but, it's inspiring to know that people like that exist. Some are just born for it, I guess... Apart from that, I learned how humbling it is to be in a room filled with people who are far more talented than we are. Intimidating too, definitely. However, sometimes we need it.

We need that smack in the face, that reminder that we aren't as great as we think or that there is still a whole lot of room for improvement. Sometimes, we need to humble ourselves and allow ourselves to be taught by people who truly know more than we do.

Thank you to Maam Upeng, Sir Jeff and the whole CMT family for a super great and enriching experience that I'll never ever forget! To all those people who are looking for something to do this summer, I recommend this. Sign up for next year's summer workshop!

The Punta Fuego Gang

After a gazillion cancelled trips with the barkada, we finally decided to push through with our half - baked Punta Fuego plan on Labor Day. Even if we were an hour behind schedule and we forgot so many things... and food, gas, toll and everything else was sort of bahala na, WE HAD THE BEST DAY EVER.

It just goes to show that all you really need is the right company.

And I doubt I'm ever gonna get tired of being with these guys. :)

They're the people that got me through high school,

that make me look forward to random parties I wouldn't normally attend,

that are good with spending a whole night just watching That's So Raven,

that automatically assume the responsibility of taking certain people home,

and that respect me enough to delete curse words from their vocab when they're in my house.

HAHAHAHAHA

Congratulations on our 2nd summer trip!

Now, let's pray we all grow up to be very wealthy so that, we can book Europe trip for all our future families. <3

I still don't understand why the boys duct taped their hands to the bottles....

I love my friends. :)