If You Could Do Anything

(Taken from tumblr)

If you could do anything...

without having to think about what everyone else would say,

with no one else's expectations to consider but your own,

without having to face the wrath of society's judgement after,

(Or anyone else's wrath, for that matter)

If you could do anything...

without worrying about how much you'd have to save,
or how hard you'd have to work,
or how much you'd eventually have to pay...

If you could do absolutely anything,

what would you do?

Time to Enjoy the Ride

(Stressed Photo)

Looking back at my last two entries, it's safe to say that my mind has been quite, uhm, messed up lately... because of certain reasons that I will keep to myself for now. Hohoho. Let's just say that I was looking at my life at a new perspective and I wasn't too happy with it. And I couldn't figure out why.

On the surface, everything was fine - as with most things but, there was still something that was making me cry and keeping me up at night. Although, I couldn't pinpoint what exactly that thing was, it was there.

To be honest, I didn't even have much to be sad about.

Everything was fine.

And I was comfortable.
And safe
And steady
And stable
And fine...

...like dead seaweed.

(I can't explain it okay.)

However, I've learned that when we have troubled minds and hearts, it's an opportunity for us to turn to God. And so, I did.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

And lean not on your own understanding.

Proverds 3: 5-6

See, I like having my life all figured out. I make a billion lists a day and every year, my planner is a major production because it has to be able to accommodate 365 days' worth of thoughts, lists, dreams, events, etc.  

But, God's been telling me that it's time to trust Him. As in, REALLY trust Him. It's time for me to let Him take control of my life. He's actually been nagging me about that for quite a while now and I've just been too stubborn to let Him. 

It's like I let God take the driver's seat a long time ago but, I've been backseat driving like crazy ever since! God's probably just laughing at me yapping about what I want, whether or not I want this, and all the stuff that makes me sound like a fickle-minded fool ...because He already knows what's in store for me and He's probably just dying for me to chill out.

It's still hard for me to believe the drastic measures I've taken to FML (Fix My Life) or whatever, haha! But, it's been done and now all I have to do is wait. 

While waiting, I've been crossing a lot of things off my summer to do list and yes, it's been quite fun. I've never been this chill about future plans though. There's usually Plan A-Z but, now there's only Plan A and if that doesn't work out, I still don't know what I'm gonna do with my life.

But maybe, that could be the lesson here? That it's actually quite normal for me not to know the future so, I shouldn't even bother trying to figure it all out? Hmm...

(Not stressed photo!)

Maybe God wants me to sit back, relax and quit backseat driving... so that I might actually enjoy the ride. :)

What do you do when you don't know what to do?

(I'm sorry I forgot where I got this photo but, it isn't mine.)

The message in the photo makes so much sense to me, especially now.

Some people make it seem like it's so simple to do what you want.

(And I really envy those people.)

In truth, it should be.

Simple.

If you want that nice, new dress from Cotton On, go buy it.

If you're not happy with the plate you worked so hard on, start over.

If you want another slice of pizza then, ask for one!

If you've been wanting a Polaroid camera forever, then why didn't you just get one in the first place?!

If you've been dying to perform because it's been way too long, then what's stopping you??

If you're not happy in college, drop out!

KIDDING.

STAY IN SCHOOL.

Anyway...

People like me just make it really complicated.

It's never just me and what I want.

There are all these other factors to include in the equation.

Some of which are:

The effect my decision will have on my 25 year old self.

And also on my mommy self.

Convenience.

Whether or not I'll regret it an hour later.

Whether it's worth my hard - earned saved money.

Or my parents' money.

Transportation.

My own capabilities - or the lack of them.

What God would think.

What my family (and my very large extended family) would think.

And a lot of other things that I should totally delete from my mind but, can't.

But, going back to the photo above.

(Yes, please scroll up and read it again.)

What if you told yourself you'd finish the book?

What if it's a hassle to leave that restaurant?

What if you're too comfortable on the path you're on to get off it?

What, then?

----- ----- ----- ----- -----

UGGHH.

Why do I make everything so hard for myself...

----- ----- ----- ----- -----

...even if I'm fully aware that this too shall pass,

that God's got an awesome plan for me,

that things will eventually work out,

that not once did worrying ever help,

that all these things will be pretty small in hindsight

and all the other true cliches in life may apply too.

(And here comes what I both hate and love about blogs: the ending's gotta be positive!)

So, there.

I've released the negativity in my mind and now there's nothing left for me to do but, well, chill.

Yes.

I shall chill now.

Goodbye! :)