It's Nice To Meet You (A Blog About Pressure and Introductions and Life)

Recently, I realized the type of life I want don't want.

You know, the kind of life where everybody is a somebody? Everyone is sort required to be someone. And no one's really allowed to simply... be.

Cause, you know, it's so not ideal...

(I hope you understand what I mean but don't worry, I shall elaborate.)

It's the kind of life where your name just has to be attached to some accomplishment, position, title, connection and whatever might make you seem a little more interesting to the person you're meeting. All introductions sort of have the same format.

"Hey, this is _______, the _________."
"I want you to meet ________. She's the one who ________."
"This is ________, the owner of ________."

It's horrible.

But I have to admit that it is a convenient way to cover up for the fact that, I haven't exactly figured myself out yet. There's a lot of pressure though... and I really don't like it.

However, while I do struggle to find myself and, to put it bluntly, while I figure out why God didn't let me go to Heaven when I could have, I guess I could hide behind all the labels. I guess it isn't so bad to be known as "Kara, the singer girl" or "Kara, the one that sells envelopes" or "Kara, the girl that got sick before."

I get those a lot and believe me, it causes wars inside my head.

I always try to deviate from the labels that people associate with me because I was never convinced that those labels ever really embodied who I was - or who I am. The pressure comes in it when seems that other people have labels that actually do capture who they are. It makes you wonder: how come they've already discovered their "thing" and I haven't?

After that realization, the pressure sets in even more and you're kind of like this...

HAHA. Well, anyway, as I was saying... it's horrible. :(

I mean, do all those positions and accomplishments and titles and connections really matter? Do we really need that? Is it really what life is all about?

Well, society makes us think so. You know... work hard, get a good job, earn lots of money, attach a billion things onto your resume so you've got something to show people and eventually live a big shot happy life.

(But hey, I really admire all those people that actually make it big without sacrificing the things that truly matter.)

It's really tempting to just do that though. Many times, I get carried away and end up wanting to live like that and work hard for "the good life" but then, I end up feeling the unnecessary pressure and stress. I end up asking myself "What's the point?" or "Does this make me happy?" and then, I somehow get some sense knocked into my head again.

I have to remind myself that that isn't the life that I want.

I don't want to get swayed into doing only what society approves of. I don't want to push myself to do more and be more simply because the world says that I have to be someone.

Sometimes, I really just want to be.

I don't want pressure. I don't want ideal.
And although I admittedly do care about what people think, I really don't want to anymore.

I want to do more and be more not because the I have to but because I can.
Whatever I wanna do, I wanna do - whether or not it's my thing and even if it isn't me.
I want to allow myself to feel what I really feel when I feel it.
And whoever I am at a certain point and time - I just want to feel free to be that person.

I don't want to deny and lie to myself. I don't want to pretend. I don't want to hide from the world. And I basically, don't want to care about anything anymore. HAHA Just kidding.

With all that has been said... Please, let me introduce myself. :)

Hi, my name is Kara.

I just sort of enjoy life as it unfolds and I don't really have much figured out.
My fear of failure keeps me from doing a lot of things but strangely, my awareness of the existence of that fear is what pushes me to try and face it.
I've got lots of experiences I'd wanna share - both good and bad - and I've got a billion dreams as well.
There are times when I don't feel like doing anything at all and times when I wish I had more of me - so that I could do everything I want to do.
I sleep a lot more than a normal person does, I think.
Sometimes, I feel like a completely useless human being.
Sometimes, I feel really proud of myself and other times, I'm just completely insecure.
I could tell you more about me but, please don't put me in a box because I really don't like that...
Because living life means continuously growing and growing might mean changing so, if you don't mind, I will keep doing so. :)

And before you introduce yourself, I want to let you know that you're fine.

No matter how long or short your resume is, whether you're still on your way to finding yourself or if it isn't even on your agenda to do so,  no matter what you've done, what you do now and what you're capable of doing in the future... it's really nice to meet you. :)

[ THE END ]

[ Coming soon : A blog about our mission trip to Tacloban ]