Hard Work > Talent

A month ago, I blogged about how boredom during Math 53 gave me an opportunity to start doodling again. This time, I have a whole lot more time on my hands to do exactly that! Yaay. :)

I prepared for this though. Spare time, I mean. I prepared by packing tons of pens and blank sketchbooks. I've already finished one 150 x 100 mm one from Muji. It's my 3rd one, if I'm not mistaken, and now I'm starting my 4th! But aside from that, I'm also using a larger one that measures 162 x 225 mm.

I learned a valuable thing from my friend, Cai, who recently discovered that she's a gifted calligrapher! (Check here!) Because of her, I learned the value of practice. :)

See, I don't like having to work hard. Each page of a sketchbook is a treasured thing - so much that I don't allow myself to make mistakes. It just has to be perfect on the first try. Else, that would be a waste of a perfectly good piece of paper. I put a lot of pressure on myself.

For example, the first 6 times I ever drew on envelope flaps produced the first 6 designs of Details Ink. The next 6 times produced the 6 designs of the 2012 collection... I didn't really give myself options. I didn't work hard to make it better and consequently, I didn't improve. I took comfort in the thought that it was good without me having to try too much or work too hard.

And that, my friends, is a horrible way to think.

My sister posted the following quote:

Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard.

I know that I have to sort of get off my high horse, tear down my pride and hold on to my pens and use them - again and again and again.

And that is why I'm really happy with all the time I have in my hands over here. It's because I get to draw. I get to draw and redraw and write and rewrite and basically, do things a little better than usual. It's time to raise my standards for myself once again. Oh, the excitement!

Here are some of the random doodles I've done on this trip so far. Please excuse the low resolution!!

This is a repost from the Details Ink blog:

In line with the Details Ink reINnovation, our Instagram account is now up & running! Stay tuned for a whole lot more doodles, inspirational quotes & lyrics and more! As our new tagline says – starting today – we’re giving you art, impact & everything in ink. :)

<<3

The Undying Wish List: Things I Will Always Want

I've been told that I'm super easy to please and give gifts to. On my 18th birthday, for example, my smile went from ear to ear when a friend of mine handed me two boxes of Nerds. Yup, that's all it took, haha! On that same day, another friend took out a Muji notebook from his backpack and held it out with a giant smug face on... because he knew how happy that little gift would make me - and yes, it did make my day extra great! Easy peasy.

In other words, I'm just like a five year old.
JOKE.

However, other people tell me that I'm really picky. Because, uhm, I'm not that into branded bags or jewelry or stuffed toys or make up or heels or certain types if not all chocolate in general... I guess some people just find it hard to believe that a box of Icebreakers would bring me as much happiness as a Prada bag would another girl. Or that giving me the right set of pens can make me love them forever.

HAHA Okay, I'm exaggerating. I'm not saying that I wouldn't ever in my life want to receive an expensive girly bag. Maybe, I would at age 20 or something. (Hint to certain important people in my life. Hello there.) 

But for now... these will definitely do!

(To be honest, I just had a random urge to make a wishlist. It's not even my birthday or Christmas or anything but, here it is anyway!)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Things I Can Use
Because I need lots of things to do lots of things...

PILOT G Tech Pens (0.3, 0.4 and 0.5)

Unipin disposal black pens (0.1 - 0.8)

Fujifilm Instax Polaroid Film (plain white)

MUJI sketchbooks (preferably the 150x100mm one heehee)

Plain/ solid colored Post Its

Art materials

Canvases

Plain recycled boxes

Books about architecture or art or life

Gift Certificates

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Things I Can Wear
Because a girl could always use another outfit.

KEDS Shoes (plain colors)

Sunglasses/ Shades (Rayban shape ONLY)

Simple dresses that don't make me look like I'm drowning in cloth haha

Bikinis (not the super showy, stringy type)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Things I Can Eat
Because to get to her heart, you must first satisfy her stomach.#AnoDaw

Oreo Cheesecake from Starbucks

Melty Kiss Plain Chocolate (red cover)

White Chocolate Mocha Frap Blended Coffee (Less Chocolate Drizzle) from Starbucks

Formosa Roast Black Milk Tea, 75% sugar, 1/2 Nata de Coco, 1/2 Pearl from Tea Tap

Fruit Roll Ups/ Foot long Roll Ups

Hubba Bubba Bubble Tape (specially the sour ones!)

Hubba Bubba Lollipops (the one with gum inside)

Icebreakers

Sour Skittles

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

THIS MAGIC LIST SHALL BE UPDATED AS NEEDED.
Heehee.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hohoho it's actually pretty fun to think about the things you want. You should totally try it. I LOVE going on dream mode... but, you should do it with happy vibes okay? Not the depressing reality - bites, unreachable - dreams, unattainable - goals, too - expensive, this - will - never - happen atmosphere. That'll kill the fun of it.  Because it is fun.

Dreaming is quite fun.

Aaaaaaand that's it.

Bye.

A Series of Fortunate Events... What's The Catch?

(I swear this blog was supposed to be short... I don't know what happened.)

"I got everything I ever wanted. I'm so happy... I'm terrified. No one gets everything they want...

...of course, something bad is going to happen to me."

-Charlotte of Sex and the City

. . . . .

This is a horrible way to think and to live. However, as much as I hate to admit it, what she said totally hit me. A lot of things in the past served as building blocks that have created this stupid perspective, despite the fact that I fight hard to push those memories down to the back of my mind where I'll have a hard time accessing them . Despite the fact that I know I shouldn't be thinking that way and I constantly try to fix how I think. And fix myself.

I constantly try to fix myself.

Life is always great until it isn't.

And my life always goes smoothly until something that never happens... happens.

But it's been a while and I thank God for that. He's been taking great care of me.

I've returned home from several trips without a scratch on my body and after bragging about that simple joy of mine, I was reminded that it was, in fact, normal for nothing bad to happen. And in my head, I think "Oh yeah. Sorry. I was just happy about it. That's all."

It's like I'm hesitant to fully soak into the OKAY-ness of my life right now and I don't know why. 

Everything's going well so far. I'm happy 80% of the time; lost in thoughts, questions and doubts during the other 10% but, that's normal, and the last ten is for those times when I cry for other people and get so caught up in their lives that it hurts me. But in general, I'm always happy. Always grateful. Always relieved when something that could have gone so badly turns out well or when something I thought would take countless hours only takes fifteen minutes or when I'm #160 in the line and they're already calling #154.

Always happy, always grateful but always walking on egg shells, praying to God that I don't step on the trigger of a nuclear bomb. Always tiptoeing my way through life, trying to prove that I'm not an accident waiting to happen and I'm not the key to Pandora's box and that I can do what they think I cannot do. Always finding myself between wide and narrow roads, choosing the wide ones at first because they look so nice and easy and then I end up trying to find my way through all the plants and thorns and shrubs just to get back to the freakin narrow road just because I couldn't get it out of my head.

I'm always happy, always grateful but always worried about losing the things that make me happy and the things I'm grateful for. Worried that things are too good to be true and somewhere along this streak of good fortune or this series of fortunate events is a scary monster waiting to tell me that I can't have everything I want after all. Waiting impatiently to take something away from me and make me pay for the good, happy, healthy life I've been living for a while and make me suffer for the fact that I haven't suffered in so long.

I got a little carried away over there. I don't know which thing I'm referring to anymore...

Forgive my imagination, it has a tendency to exaggerate my normal - human feelings and transform them into scary vivid motion pictures inside my brain which I try my very best to translate into words - a preventive measure to keep my head from exploding.

. . . . .

I'm in transition at the moment - in between processes, in between schools... I'm still quite surprised at how smoothly things have been going although, I have been praying like a trooper for the past months. I've been stumbling over one obstacle after another. Each one's getting bigger and scarier but, each gives more fulfillment than than the one before. Until I see the next obstacle up ahead and it scares me again but, I go anyway.

Things are going so well, it's freaking me out. It's not that I'm not happy about it and it's not that I'm not grateful... in case you didn't get to read the repetitive mentions above, haha!

I'm just mentally preparing myself for this narrow road to get narrower, for more nuclear bomb triggers hidden under egg shells I'm walking over, for the scary monster to get scarier and more impatient and have more vengeful things to say to me and for the key of Pandora's box to duplicate itself a thousand times making it easier for all the bad things to be unlocked and released into... my life.

But again...

THIS IS A HORRIBLE WAY TO THINK.

And then again...

I can't help but ask what the catch is this time!

There's always been a catch. I've always had to pay... something.

. . . . . 

But I know what I have to do anyway. And that makes me a walking contradiction but, I'm not denying it.

I'll take what I can get, hope for the best, be happy and grateful for every single blessing as of now but, be prepared for the worst of circumstances - not in a sadistic way but, in a way that will protect my heart from, getting hurt or being disappointed. (Saying all that makes me a talking cliche too but, I'm not denying that either. Oh well...)

Thank you Lord for answering almost every single prayer I've had for the past few months!!!

So, here's to this next week and how much it can affect the rest of my college life!

And here's to all my other concerns and how much it'll affect my life after that. 

Here's to the good things that have happened in the recent past and the not - so - good things that might happen in the near future....

But right now in this moment, as I think about everything that was and is to come later on, catch or no catch, I'm happy and truly grateful - always, always will be.

5 Things That Secretly Make Me Super Happy

Well now, it's not exactly a secret anymore and I know this is random but, I just felt like making a happy list - because my morning plans were pushed later today and I had tea and had time to thank God for random happy things, haha!

1. When people think I'm an athlete or dancer, etc...

I have to hide my kilig face when people ask because NO, I am not an athlete and I am definitely not a dancer! There's a quote like that, I think. The greatest pleasure in life is being able to do what people say you cannot do - that also includes being able to trick people into thinking such! See, I'm the purple girl in the middle, wearing the volleyball jersey that isn't mine. Heehee.

2. Getting lots page views or comments on a blog :D

Or when people tell me that they love reading my blogs or that they can relate to this and that... or that they subscribed to the hidden e-mail thing. I get so, so awkwardly happy because it's one of my many secret dreams to be a writer! Shh... don't judge me.

3. Being super busy and stressing over worthwhile projects

My good friends know that I can't do nothing or be too chill - I have to have something going on. It's horrible, really but, I love it. I love good stress! The type that makes you bone tired but, heart happy. I'm sure many people are like this: they complain a lot along the way about all the hassles they have to go through for certain things but in truth, they wouldn't trade it in for the chill life.

BUT HEY.

This doesn't go for everything, okay? I'm not sadistic and I don't like emotional stress. Just the happy, healthy kind.

4. My Tiny Room/ Pseudo - Studio

I have the smallest room in the house that was once super tight because of my bed which used up all the space until I finally decided to sell it. I never needed a bed to sleep anyway! Haha, just kidding. Now, I have this little pretend - studio where I can make a big mess on the floor (or my cute Php 88.00 rubber mat that I randomly bought at Saizen) and stick things on the wall and stuff. Once my mom says anything that even slightly resembles an OKAY, I am going to paint the walls of my room - happy colors so that it makes me even happier than it already does!

5. Getting things WITHOUT having to work too hard

Forgive my horrible computer drawing skills, this was a random not - for - anything... thing. But, anyway. I always want to get better, be it at school or as a performer or whatever but, I imagine insta-results. However, I secretly love those rare times when we are spared from seriously hard work!

For example:

a. Getting a high grade even if you just shotgunned the whole test
b. When God magically plants a design in your mind. No sweat!
c. Giving the correct answer even if it was a total guess

There are many more moments like that - which I love BUT, I've learned that it's not good to be so spoiled. How will we handle tougher situations in life when we're so used to the easy route? As they say, "smooth seas don't make skillful sailors".  I have high respect for hard workers and everyday, I try to be one myself. Emphasis on the word TRY. Because as much as I love those awesome lucky moments and even if I don't want to work hard, I know that in this life I will have to. :)

---------------------------------------------

I may or may not have done this to remind myself not to let the stress of _____ get to me.

Either way... have a happy day!

Updates + The Happiness Project

(Forgive me for the lack of a better title.)

For the past week, the internet's been down at home. It's really been working to my advantage though! I've been getting a lot of work done and even to my own surprise, I've been writing a lot. Way more than I do when I can actually use my blog.

Here's an entry from last week. I wanted to write about The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, the book I just finished, but I realized that I already did.

February 20, 2013

5:00 PM

Had I not brought The Happiness Project to school, today would have been a total waste. For most of our subjects, we’ve been working on our projects outside of school and coming to class to either submit or present our finished products. That’s one of the reasons why it feels like there’s so much and so little to do at the same time. Either way, I have more time to do things like jog and read books.

At first, I wasn’t too ecstatic about the book, The Happiness Project because it sounded too much like “The Adventure Project”, some long term, self – enlarging, uhm… thing I came up with two years ago, where I’d do something new every week in order to break boundaries and grow as a person. Something I should actually write about more. But now, if ever I blog more about my adventure project, everyone’s going to think that I got the name from the now – famous book by Gretchen Rubin. I'm probably one of the millions of people who think they coined a term themselves when in fact, it's totally unoriginal. Haha! Oh well.

However, after reading the first chapter yesterday, I was already so inspired – so much that I went straight to my desk and finished all my work well before 10 in the evening and even had time for a phone call. It was a pretty good feeling that I wanted to have more often.

That was last night. This morning, however, my alarms were set to go off at 5:30 AM, 5:45 and 6:00. In contrast to my efficient evening, I snoozed them all and got up at around 6:15 without any intention of rushing to my 7 AM class. I took my time to wash up, dress up and even eat a quick meal of pancit canton. Still enjoying the early morning breeze, I walked out my door and into the streets to get a jeepney and go to school and once I got on, I read.

And read.
And read.

The jeep stopped at my gate at around 7:30 AM and I got to my classroom feeling triumphant once again for somehow knowing that “yes, I can be late today,” thereby, earning a few dagger looks from those who actually took the initiative to wake up an hour earlier than me. Our Design professors weren't there yet so, I took my book out and read.

And read.
And read some more.

Gosh, it’s a beautiful book - the third one I read this month about someone whose dream was to become a writer. Hmmm.....

Gretchen Rubin writes about how she did lots of little things every day that changed her life – things like nagging less, reading more, tidying up every night, sleeping earlier and whatnot. My friend was right. It is my kind of book. Haha!

One of the things I realized I do too much is one, complain about school and two, use the word hate, despite the fact that I never really feel actual hatred.

I hate it.
I hate him.
I hate our homework.
I hate how they’re so useless.
I hate this.
I hate that.
I hate…
I hate…

Too much.

Although, in my defense, I also abuse and overuse the word: love.

When someone gives me yummy candy: I love you.
When someone tells me about a free cut: Really?? I love you!
When I see a cute kid: I’m in love.
When I hear a really good guy singer: I love him.
When I hear a really good girl singer: I love her.
When something good happens to me: I love life.

Okay, that might be a little too much as well but, it’s still much better than hating on everything.

So, inspired by Gretchen’s happiness project as well as the Lenten Season is another resolution: no more hating! From this day forth, I shall be cursed with a wave of guilt for every unnecessary use of the word... until I am able to find more better punishment.

After lunch, we submitted our homework for math and rejoiced at the announcement of an early dismissal. See what I mean by the total waste of a school day? We took the opportunity to work on our other video project until around 2:00 and then, I forced myself to jog.

Earlier that day, I told people that I would. Not so much to brag about it but rather, to make sure I get it done. It’s a tactic that usually works because I hate it when people say “I thought you were planning to… blah ,”or when I have to explain why I didn’t do something I said I’d do. But, it’s not like I really want to jog. I just want to have some form of exercise. Plus, I have absolutely no idea how I’m gonna survive running 5k at the Color Manila Nite Run this Saturday when I can’t even run a hundred meters straight without panting like crazy.

2:15, it was time to start.

Three rounds around the UST field.

Dead.

Man, I’m seriously out of shape.