The Four Month Summer is Over (And My Glass is Half Full)

I haven't been present.

I've been floating.
I've been asleep.

I haven't been grateful.

I haven't even genuinely said Thank You for things I've been given for free that are probably worth me getting down on my knees for. And things that happened way before I thought they would. Oh, and the things I never thought would ever happen at all.

I've been unreasonable.
I've been whiny.
I've been blind.

And I'm saying all this because, well, it seems as though my body's being inhabited my by the most negative version of myself. Ever. Really. The glass has been half-empty for a while now and those of you who know me would know very well that in my world, it is always - and I mean always - half-full.

Even in the worst of circumstances, I used to somehow manage to see the bright side... or magically produce one. Haha. That's something I've been writing about for years but, let's just say that for the past month, I haven't exactly been walking my talk.

To be honest, I've been focusing all my energy on a tiny little dark spot in a world that's been pretty well-lit. And when I say well-lit, I'm talking giant spotlights, LED's and the freakin' sun itself.

Life has been throwing me one amazing blessing after another.
One opportunity after another.
One great experience after another.

And I've been floating through it because of my sheer inability to handle the overwhelming responsibility that comes with getting what you want...

You see, I'm a dreamer.

I was practically a baby when I decided I was gonna be an architect and I was in high school when I made a list of everything I wanted to be, as well as everything I wanted my little new-born-baby-stationery-business to be.

There was that GAME ON moment and everything. Even daily and weekly action steps to help me get to my big goals.

But, I'll be really honest here. Is it okay that I freak out and kinda wish to move a few steps backwards when all my big dreams are right at my finger tips? When it's all just a little stretch away, I stare blankly and choose not to reach - for fear that I might catch it.

And what the hell is a dreamer supposed to do when the dreaming part is over?

That, my friends, is one of the biggest problems of my life.
And I'm praying with everything I have that there's at least one person that understands this seemingly irrational yet, completely paralyzing internal conflict.

In other words, I'm easily overwhelmed.
Yup, even by my own goals & dreams.
They really scare me a lot.
Even the size of those mini-goals & mini-dreams freak me out sometimes.

It's like... I stare at a project and automatically get shot with magic lazy-beams. For example, I'm an aspiring writer that hasn't blogged in a month and can't even bring herself to write the articles she was so happy to have been assigned. So, I end up not being able to fully soak in the fact that I was even given such an opportunity! Ugh. When there are no writing/drawing/singing opportunities, I want them. When there are too many, I deny their existence... NO. BAD KARA!

This has got to stop.

During times of discontent, something I have to severely punish myself for, I seek inspiration from my old self. Hahaha. Because it makes me feel so ashamed of being less "together" than the 17 year old Kara. So much so that I actually take action. Hehehe. So, in an attempt to motivate myself (and anyone else who needs it) to finish projects in time, here's an old blog from 2011.

For a long while now, I’ve been thinking of everything I wanted to do. Actually, that’s all I ever do. I think. I make lists. I make plans. I dream. I get so wrapped up in my thoughts, so caught up with the excitement of the initial stage, that I forget the step that should follow: the execution. What good would all those bucket lists do, if you won’t ever make an effort to get those things done? 

I’ve come to find that the fulfillment you get from checking something on a list is a thousand times better than the excitement you get from writing it down. The doing is better than the dreaming. The experiencing is better than the planning. That’ was my realization. Something snapped right there and then. It suddenly became so clear to me that all I needed to do was DO. 

Right now, I’m the most excited that I’ve been in so long. There’s no solid plan this time. Once a week. Do something new. That’s the only plan. I’ve written over a hundred things on my to-do list. All I need to do now is get them done.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

That was it, guys. That was the four month summer we've all been rambling about since the Academic Calendar Shift debate started. That was it. It is finished and registration is tomorrow. Whew!

But I really do have to strip off that negative version of myself and look for the girl that would smile in a hospital gown after painful procedures and fight school administration to be able to attend classes and take exams, so as not to regret giving anything less than her best.

Like I said, the glass was always half full for me then.

And it's time to see things that way again.

So I want to express my gratitude now, even if it's kinda late.

In the last four months,

I learned some things I thought I had no hope learning,

I met people that inspired me so much,

I shared my work with people that challenged me so much,

I was given opportunities that really boosted my growth,

I went to beautiful places I never thought I'd see,
I bought amazing artsy & crafty things that I never knew existed,

And I spent more money than I ever thought I could ever spend and so now I'm practically broke HAHAHA

(jk)

But, my heart is happy. :)

Thank You for those four months and everything that came with it.

And I'm sorry I was stupid enough to even think that it wasn't enough.

Because it was.

It really was.

:)

"True Love Does Not Exist"

Just a cute video with a song that is semi-related to this blog. <3

I watched Maleficent for the third time yesterday. For some reason, it was okay the first time. Just okay.

I liked a lot more the second time and after watching again yesterday, I liked it a little less. Haha. Strange.

Anyway, I really like how Disney seems to be taking on a new platform when it comes to the ever-controversial topic - true love. 

I used to be one of the many that believed in finding their one true love. I didn't show it though. Ever. I denied it immensely. But those who know me well know that I avoided "love" because I wanted LOVE and I kept away from everyone because I wanted THE ONE. Hahaha.

I didn't want much. Just, you know, the "One and Only" thing, the "First and Last" thing and, basically, to live happily ever after in a far away land known as the South. Hahaha. 

In addition to that, I didn't think it was the slightest bit crazy that Ariel (of the Little Mermaid) got married at the age of 16 to a man she had only known for three days or that Aurora (of Sleeping Beauty) fell in love with the creep that randomly started dancing with her in the forest.

Well, anyway.

When I watched Frozen, I cringed throughout Love is An Open Door, freaked out when he proposed and cringed even more when she said yes. Why would you do that, crazy girl....

Well, anyway haha.

I love how Disney is sort of updating records and changing their stand and, well, preventing little girls from believing that every single boy in the world could be their Prince Charming and consequently, having their hearts broken upon the realization that he isn't.

In Frozen, the True Love pair wasn't Anna & her ka-duet (his name escapes me haha) but, Anna & her sister. I cried in that part huhu.

And true love wasn't embodied by Aurora & the cute prince dude but, by Aurora and Maleficent herself. I cried in that part too. A lot. I don't know why. Huhu.

On a completely unrelated note, I also cried a lot in Transformers when it was the girl's dad that went crazy trying to save her while her boyfriend just stood and watched. Ugh.

Do you see where I'm going with all this? I hope you do. Haha.

There are two things I learned. Or re-learned. First is that, well, I think it's time we give credit to the people who have been loving us unconditionally ever since, as well as to the God whose love is unchanging. The phrase "no matter what" is kind of a big thing for me. And man, I thank God every single day for being there and loving me just the same when I'm on top of my game or down in the dumps and for giving me people that can do the same - people whom I know will be there no matter what.

The second thing is that love isn't supposed to be perfect. In the classic Disney movies, maybe, but not in real life.

I warn my little girl cousins all the time to be careful who they give their hearts to. Because you know the song Fifteen by Taylor Swift? Yeah, I used to hate it. And now I get it. And now I love it. Haha. (Give it a listen and you'll understand.)

So to end this random outburst of insights, I just want say that, well, in real life, love is pretty messy. There are a billion and one obstacles and all of which serve as opportunities for you to get hurt. But that doesn't make it any less beautiful. And if you ask me if I still believe in love, I do. With all my heart, surprisingly.

Just... not the way I used to.

And I kind of like it better this way. :)

Architecture is Power

I've been doing a lot of artsy things in the last week. There's been so much going on with Details Ink and I'm getting extremely excited for all the things we have planned. But when I think of the future, I worry a bit. See, I imagine myself being the big boss in this super nice office with several happily employed individuals. I'm just not sure if that office is Details Ink or an architectural firm. Haha!

So when I woke up this morning, I feared that my life has been so non-architectural since summer started. And to appease myself, I revisited my old papers. Read them all, yeah, and I wanted to share the first paper I wrote for the my Arch 16 class under the lesson Defining Architecture.

Unlike most papers, I remember putting my heart into this one. Haha. So yeah, I hope it kind of makes you realize how amazing architecture really is.

_____________________________________________________________________

Architecture is Power

Architecture is all around us. That is something many people believe in and something that I personally agree with. Although I was totally unaware of it at that time, it began in my life as a childish fascination for building blocks, Lego, residential brochures and creating towns and cities inside my head. As I got older, what started out as a mere pastime slowly transitioned into a much bigger dream – one that lead me here, at the UP College of Architecture.

However, fascination cannot be equated to understanding. Just because I was interested in architecture at a young age, it does not mean that I really understood what it was nor does it mean that I can fully grasp its essence today. Instead, what that fascination does is keep me in a constant quest for architectural relevance. My knowledge of architecture in the past definitely lacked many parts of the whole but, such still holds true today. There will always be more to learn and therefore, the process by which one’s definition of architecture expands should never end.

As a child, I believed that architecture was synonymous to building. Architects were builders. They just built things. It was that simple to me and consequently, my ability to place one block over another was already as architectural as ever. Of course, now, I believe otherwise.

There was also a time when my world was limited to that of residential architecture. This mind set was highly influenced by my uncle, who was the only architect I knew personally. He designed the homes of several relatives of mine. All of which, I found beautiful and they all contributed to my idea of a well - designed house: simple, clean – looking, with lots of white and lots of wood.

Despite my so – called love for architecture, schools, shopping malls, churches and other types of structures had barely any significance to me. I just liked houses. It seemed as though the very reason why I wanted to become an architect was to be able to design my own home in the future. I collected brochures with rendered plans and perspectives, copied them, altered them to my liking, and documented the different architectural elements that I would eventually apply to my future home.

To me, architecture was all about building beautiful houses. It barely even had anything to do with function or space configuration. It was all about aesthetics – what looked good to me. It was only when I entered college that my rather self – centered definition of architecture really evolved.

After a year in UST Arki and a semester in UP Arki, I learned that architecture is so much more than just the art and science of building, that there is certainly more to it than just “white houses with lots of wood” and that it is definitely not self – centric. It shouldn’t be. In fact, it is the exact opposite. Architecture revolves almost entirely around people – their behavioral patterns, their physical anthropometrics and their general problems and needs which have to be addressed innovatively.

Simply put, a­­­rchitecture is the most creative response to human needs. It is a means for people to live in the most convenient, most comfortable, most aesthetically - pleasing and hopefully also the most meaningful way that they can. Architecture is the end product of an impeccably complicated process involving the observation of people, surrounding environments, natural elements and even intangible things that play crucial roles in coming up with a design; such as the atmosphere of a certain area, perhaps symbolisms and deeper meanings of simple forms and even relationships between what was, what is and what will be.

The amazing thing about architecture is that it can be as big and complex and overwhelming as all that but, it also pays as much attention to, for example, the dimensions of stairs - which seems to be a very minute detail that can go unnoticed but, in reality, will cause a great deal of discomfort for people if it were off – standard. Everything matters, basically.

Professional architects already seemed like gods to me when I was a child but, it was mainly because of their aesthetic eye. At present, however, my respect and admiration for architects do not only root from my love for their designs but also from my sincere amazement in their ability to notice everything. I believe that architecture requires paying attention to things that most people would ignore. There’s always more to something – you never know when something ordinary can become an inspiration for a design concept.

As aforementioned, architecture is the most creative response to human needs. For now, that’s that but, I am still in pursuit of a definition of architecture that encapsulates everything I think it is and how much I believe that architects have the power to change lives with their profession.