September Thirteen

Here is something I posted on my old blog two years ago, for two people that are very dear to my heart. :) Reposting it now because, well, it's September 13 again. That was fast, huh? Haha. Anyway, to Mae and Jasper, who are both somewhere in California right now, happy, happy birthday. <3 Enjoy re-reading this. Haha.

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To be honest, I’ve been struggling for quite a while, trying to figure out how to start this blog entry. How do you start talking about people that have made such a big impact on your life? Or people that have inspired you as much as these two inspired me?

You just do, I guess. You just start typing out exactly what pops into your head and try to be as honest as possible.

Well, here goes an attempt to do exactly that.

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First, there’s Samantha Mae Coyiuto.

Many of you have probably heard that name before. I met her when I was only grade 3 and even then, she was already better than most of us. I was busy climbing trees back then and she was already writing and publishing story books! However, aside from the fact that she has already written 4 books (I think it's 6 already, cause she just published another one last month!), writes her own column in the Philippine Star, graduated part of the Top 10 of the batch, started her own foundation to promote literacy in the Philippines, endorsed a big time sports brand and… can you believe it… did all of that before she turned 18, she’s still that clumsy, bubbly, baby girl I met and love so much.

It’s her humility that inspired me, along with so many other people. Until today, I find it so hard to comprehend how she managed to do all those things and still find the time to eat pizza with her best friends. To add to that, during all those sleepovers we’ve had, I never felt even the slightest trace of pride. Although she, of all people, had the right to boast, she never did. And even if she had all the power to make everyone around her feel so, so small, she never did. She did the exact opposite actually. Mae has always had this way of making people feel special. Her novel – text messages and letters are almost 100% effective… ask anyone. They’ll surely agree with me.

In short, Mae is beautiful.

In the purest and most basic sense.

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Next, we have Jasper Tan.

You may have also heard of this name before, as he has several videos posted on Youtube. He is, hands down, one of the most talented musicians I have ever known. And I believe in my heart that he is a musical prodigy because I have witnessed his expertise one too many times. He can play better versions of everything on the piano and almost every other musical instrument. He is the genius behind all the nice songs I have that are posted online. Oh, and I don’t think anyone knows my flaws as a singer more than he does. Recording with me is probably very tedious for him because, honestly, I make a lot of mistakes. Every time I laugh, cough, or mess up the lyrics, we have to repeat. He does all the technical work and I usually just stand there, without any tech-y knowledge to contribute. However, what I love most about our recording sessions is the conversation that squeezes itself  in between all the playing and singing.

Jasper’s the type of person that really listens. You can usually tell while you’re talking. If you feel they’re not really listening, you shorten your story and eventually stop. Now, the problem when people truly listen is that, well, it gets really hard to stop. So, I sometimes find myself sharing so much about so many random things. Things I didn’t expect to even bring up with him. But if I were to judge him just by conversations we have, I would already be able to say so much. He’s a real gentleman. Sweet. Super thoughtful. Caring. Loves his family. Loves God. Respects girls. Notices all the small things. If you had the chance to talk to him, I bet you’d be able to say all that about him and more.

Now, humility is something Jasper and Mae have in common. When you stand in a room with him, you really wouldn’t think he’s as talented as he is. Or that he owns the biggest bee in the country! Can anyone really have all that and be all that but have not a single tinge of “air”?

Well.
This guy is living proof.

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Coincidentally, both of them are celebrating their birthdays today.
I guess God felt so good on the 13th of September, that He decided to bless the world with not one but, two great people.

And here I am, trying to figure out what I did right… to have been given the opportunity know them.

:)

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Happy birthday, Mae and Jasper!

Love and miss you both!

— The End —

Where All the Bad July Feels Are Hidden

It seems that almost every month, I have to renew my decision to be a much bigger person than I actually am. I have to sit down with myself - and God - and internalize the fact that I can't go on a certain way. There's always something that I'm doing that I shouldn't be doing; something I'm feeling that I shouldn't be feeling. There's always something I have to let go of but, can't. There's always hurt when there shouldn't be. And I don't know why.

I could be doing a lot of things and over the years I've listed over a hundred ways to change the world. So, why am I not pouring my heart out on those things instead? I really don't know.

There was a moment yesterday morning when everything sort of cleared up before me and all I could see was a question. What the hell am I doing? Pining after something that's already gone. Mourning the loss of my anchor when it should have never been my anchor in the first place. Struggling to wrap my head around a change that took place right before my eyes and trying to figure out why I moved forward when I knew perfectly well what was ahead of me.

What am I doing?

This? I knew this would happen.

Anyway, that moment of clarity also came with a tremendous calm. Quiet. Inhale, exhale. And then, nothing.

I felt nothing.

And nothing was the best thing I felt in a while.

Inhale, exhale. It's gone. It's gone. It's gone... And it's time.

So here I am again. It's July now.

I'm sitting down. By myself. There is a random creepy looking fellow across me but, whatever. I'm sitting down by myself.

I have to be bigger than this. I cannot go on like this. I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be feeling this. I have to let go of this. This isn't worth it.

Inhale, exhale.

There are bigger things. Other bigger things. Which I have not paid any attention to in a long while. And I guess it's finally time to put time and effort where it's due.

Mind over Matter mode, on.

Head over Heart mode, on.

Stone mode, on.

There. Done.

Inhale, exhale. 

One Week Off

"The best remedy for those who are lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be." - Anne Frank

After five months of hard work and architecture-induced stress, a couple of batchmates and I decided to spend seven days at Roxas City, Capiz - Cai's hometown. That's a whole week of resting, sleeping, swimming, eating and watching time go by so slowly.

This is making me think. While I've been busting my ass off in Arki school every single day back in Manila, others have been enjoying long, slow hours of just sitting and being with their families by the beach. Why the hell do we work so fast and so hard back there? A classic City vs. Country thing. And me, I grew up with  trees and fresh fruits and waterfalls and basically got forced into a condominium when I was thirteen. So, I'd choose to relive my childhood any day.

I'm neither lonely nor unhappy but, I am kind of tired. Okay, I'm really tired. So yeah, I do wanna just be outside - quiet,with nature and with God. Right now, my friends are everywhere... and I'm here:

Up on a balcony, sitting on a rocking chair and literally breathing everything in. We did it. I can't believe we did it. We survived third year and celebrated by taking a week off. And right now, in this moment, all is as it should be. :)

Love, Kara