When Bored, Make Art

There are times during my calculus class when the formulas and equations get all jumbled up in my head and the sound of my professor's voice seems to get softer and softer until it's totally drowned out by the summation of all my thoughts.

I, then, catch myself reaching into my bag and searching frantically for the one thing I know would help me escape the confusion - my sketchbook!

I tend to space out, in other words.

And then, I end up doodling.

Or calligraphy-ing. Or something. Haha, anyway.

Before I know it, the class is over. :)

Based on experience, I've come to believe that doodling speeds up time. Therefore, I highly recommend it be done in class.

[ when bored ]

[ make art ]

Have a nice day!

It's Nice To Meet You (A Blog About Pressure and Introductions and Life)

Recently, I realized the type of life I want don't want.

You know, the kind of life where everybody is a somebody? Everyone is sort required to be someone. And no one's really allowed to simply... be.

Cause, you know, it's so not ideal...

(I hope you understand what I mean but don't worry, I shall elaborate.)

It's the kind of life where your name just has to be attached to some accomplishment, position, title, connection and whatever might make you seem a little more interesting to the person you're meeting. All introductions sort of have the same format.

"Hey, this is _______, the _________."
"I want you to meet ________. She's the one who ________."
"This is ________, the owner of ________."

It's horrible.

But I have to admit that it is a convenient way to cover up for the fact that, I haven't exactly figured myself out yet. There's a lot of pressure though... and I really don't like it.

However, while I do struggle to find myself and, to put it bluntly, while I figure out why God didn't let me go to Heaven when I could have, I guess I could hide behind all the labels. I guess it isn't so bad to be known as "Kara, the singer girl" or "Kara, the one that sells envelopes" or "Kara, the girl that got sick before."

I get those a lot and believe me, it causes wars inside my head.

I always try to deviate from the labels that people associate with me because I was never convinced that those labels ever really embodied who I was - or who I am. The pressure comes in it when seems that other people have labels that actually do capture who they are. It makes you wonder: how come they've already discovered their "thing" and I haven't?

After that realization, the pressure sets in even more and you're kind of like this...

HAHA. Well, anyway, as I was saying... it's horrible. :(

I mean, do all those positions and accomplishments and titles and connections really matter? Do we really need that? Is it really what life is all about?

Well, society makes us think so. You know... work hard, get a good job, earn lots of money, attach a billion things onto your resume so you've got something to show people and eventually live a big shot happy life.

(But hey, I really admire all those people that actually make it big without sacrificing the things that truly matter.)

It's really tempting to just do that though. Many times, I get carried away and end up wanting to live like that and work hard for "the good life" but then, I end up feeling the unnecessary pressure and stress. I end up asking myself "What's the point?" or "Does this make me happy?" and then, I somehow get some sense knocked into my head again.

I have to remind myself that that isn't the life that I want.

I don't want to get swayed into doing only what society approves of. I don't want to push myself to do more and be more simply because the world says that I have to be someone.

Sometimes, I really just want to be.

I don't want pressure. I don't want ideal.
And although I admittedly do care about what people think, I really don't want to anymore.

I want to do more and be more not because the I have to but because I can.
Whatever I wanna do, I wanna do - whether or not it's my thing and even if it isn't me.
I want to allow myself to feel what I really feel when I feel it.
And whoever I am at a certain point and time - I just want to feel free to be that person.

I don't want to deny and lie to myself. I don't want to pretend. I don't want to hide from the world. And I basically, don't want to care about anything anymore. HAHA Just kidding.

With all that has been said... Please, let me introduce myself. :)

Hi, my name is Kara.

I just sort of enjoy life as it unfolds and I don't really have much figured out.
My fear of failure keeps me from doing a lot of things but strangely, my awareness of the existence of that fear is what pushes me to try and face it.
I've got lots of experiences I'd wanna share - both good and bad - and I've got a billion dreams as well.
There are times when I don't feel like doing anything at all and times when I wish I had more of me - so that I could do everything I want to do.
I sleep a lot more than a normal person does, I think.
Sometimes, I feel like a completely useless human being.
Sometimes, I feel really proud of myself and other times, I'm just completely insecure.
I could tell you more about me but, please don't put me in a box because I really don't like that...
Because living life means continuously growing and growing might mean changing so, if you don't mind, I will keep doing so. :)

And before you introduce yourself, I want to let you know that you're fine.

No matter how long or short your resume is, whether you're still on your way to finding yourself or if it isn't even on your agenda to do so,  no matter what you've done, what you do now and what you're capable of doing in the future... it's really nice to meet you. :)

[ THE END ]

[ Coming soon : A blog about our mission trip to Tacloban ]

Wake Up, It's Time to Live More.

 

Advice Cube from Typo on my new DIY shelf, yay!

Every time a new month begins, I find myself filled up to the brim with excitement. It's March, my friends. Two months of what still seems to be a new year has already passed. It's unbelievable.

I look back at those two months with a whole lot of gratitude for the things that had taken place. Throughout January, I was busy planning, writing, reflecting and praying. However, if the first month of the year was all about pulling myself together, the second one seemed to be centered on letting myself go.

And I really did - surprising a lot of people, including myself, while doing so.

February was filled with parties, adventures, trips, sleepovers, weddings, breakfast dates and lunch dates and a whole lot of other new things. The ride has been quite interesting. Strangely, I haven't felt that connected with myself in a long time. So, I'm really happy about it.

However, I was cursed with an obsessive need for personal productivity. Despite being genuinely glad about those two months of both fun and self - discovery, I cannot help but feel that I have reset my focus and start making all the things on all my lists become a reality.

The photo above represents exactly what I plan to do this month. Try harder. That's the game plan. Now, what am I working towards, anyway? Why do I have to try harder and what exactly do I plan to do?

Well, there's a lot that this month has in store. Apart from finals, there are several important events (which I will write about when they happen) that are in dire need of focused preparation. Not to mention, there are several big life dreams of mine that are totally haunting me and that I can't get out of my head - so, I gotta work on those too, I guess.

But, the big - picture goal is and always has been to live the best way I can and make the best of everything that God has blessed me with - including life itself. As cliche as it sounds, I genuinely want to live a better, fuller, happier, healthier, more productive, more meaningful, and more beautiful life.

The goal is to be able to deliver academically, work-wise, org-wise, and not lose myself in the process doing so. Oh, and to do all that and still, you know, have time to smell the roses and stuff. Haha!

I've been doing a lot, actually. Writing, doodling, rearranging things, getting rid of clutter and stuff like that. The pages of my journal have been witnesses to just how much is going on inside my head, how excited and scared I am for life and how determined I am to make this month one of the best and most productive ones everrr!

Doodled on my light switches earlier.
#ProductiveProcrastination

Say hello to my lovely orchid.

"I want to look out my window and see indefensible
 amounts of beauty - for no reason whatsoever."

- Liz Gilbert, Interviewed at The Paul Holdengraber Show

Liz Gilbert, my forever idol - author of Eat Pray Love, said this at an interview and I totally empathized with her. I understood perfectly. See, when I look around my room, I want to see beautiful, happy things in every single corner; be it in the form of doodled light switches, Polaroid photo walls, typographic quotes, or my collection of miniature buildings. I want to paint my walls and not have to explain why. I want to just build a beautiful, creative environment, where I can both pull myself together and let myself go and just get so inspired to try harder and work harder and live that better, fuller, happier, healthier, more productive, more meaningful, and more beautiful life I was talking about earlier.

Hihi. Exciting!

Oh, and I want to plant flowers!!!

Anyway.

Here's to a beautiful month!

<3